In this episode I interview a young adult, Trey, who has chosen to take a gap year and continue his education and process of self-discovery in his own way. Trey shares his views on education, social media, connection and reasons for wanting to live in a tiny house. Trey gives us some insight into what it is like to be a young adult in the beginning stages of designing an independent life.
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When the rubber hits the road during the teen years, challenges can sometimes find us stuck in the unhelpful emotions of fear, anger and sadness. This episode explores ways to move through these emotion to a place of productive love and action, which paradoxically can sometimes mean sitting still, accepting the as-is of the situation and allowing your child to navigate.
Questions for Reflection
Where is my child in his or her brain development and are my expectations out of alignment of where my child is developmentally?
Have I taken the time to intentionally define the ways I want to show up for my child? Sometimes showing up means not controlling and simply walking beside. Being pure presence and not distracted by my life and the world. This can be GREAT question for your child when behaviors manifest. It needs to be said with neutrality. A simple inquiry to get them thinking. Are you showing up for yourself and in this world in the ways you want to? Simply being a mirror. Give them agency for their choices. In other words, helping them see that they have all the power to make a new choice. What coping skill might I or my child lack? What self-care skill might I or my child lack? What needs aren’t being met that might be leading to self-defeating behavior? Am I rushing in with misplaced energy and perhaps over reacting? Are my emotions drowning my perception? Can I acknowledge and be gentle with myself knowing that I did my best to teach and model for my child in this area? Is it perfectionism and comparison causing self-defeating behavior in my child or myself? Can I acknowledge and be gentle with myself and be authentically human with my child in discussing where I may have come up short in this area as a parent? So much learning and repair can come from this act alone. We can’t and won’t get it right all the time. Our kids learn so much in our honesty about not always being or doing right. Can I admit my mistakes? This will allow them to be gentle on themselves and work to quell perfectionism. We are their model for self-forgiveness. What might be going on under the surface for myself and for my child? Are there other stressors at work or school or in other relationships that are contributing to the behaviors or my reactions? What controls might I have placed too tightly on my child that they are rebelling against? Can I admit this and course correct? Have I historically solved too many problems for my child and how do I course correct? What is simply my child’s wiring and part of their destiny and necessary learning? In other words...there are lessons we all have to learn for ourselves. What is truly in my control? Where I can make efforts to course correct and what do I need to let go of? Have I done the internal work I need to do that makes me strong enough to allow me to simply be an observer to some of my child’s necessary failures? Can I be quiet when I should be and just love and allow her journey to unfold? It is her journey, not mine.
This is part two an inspiring conversation with Sophie and Livvy - high school seniors who happen to be twins. Their wisdom, creativity, awareness and knowledge about human nature seems way beyond their 18 years. They are fueled by the love and strength they find in each other, their family and the ways they strive to intentionally deepen connection in their community. Their views on technology and the ways they work to maintain mental wellness also surprised me. In short...they are remarkable beings.
Sophie and LivvyTrue Teammates-Livvy fixes Sophie's hair before our photo shootSophie's ArtSophie's ArtLivvy's ArtLivvy's Art
This is part one an inspiring conversation with Sophie and Livvy - high school seniors who happen to be twins. Their wisdom, creativity, awareness and knowledge about human nature seems way beyond their 18 years. They are fueled by the love and strength they find in each other, their family and the ways they strive to intentionally deepen connection in their community. Their views on technology and the ways they work to maintain mental wellness also surprised me. In short...they are remarkable beings.
Quicklinks to Resources from this EpisodeSophie and LivvySophie's ArtLivvy's Art
Today's episode is an open letter of random musings to the beautiful beings that I get the gift of calling my daughters. Cheers to a new year filled with time with those you love and of deepening your family connection. By creating strong, healthy families, we heal the world.
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AuthorVashti Summervill is a PCI Certified Parent Coach and a certified teacher in the state of Idaho. She is the secretary of the Idaho Suicide Prevention Coalition and the co-chair of the St. Luke’s Pediatric Family Advisory Council. Archives
February 2019
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